A question posted recently on Quora asked,
"What is it like to be the spouse of a firefighter?" Ben Urwin, a
father, husband and firefighter, gave his opinion on the topic below.
Check it out and add your own thoughts in the comments.
Hardly a day goes by that I don't hear about how my job negatively affects my wife's life.
I don't think that the "high risk" nature of our work is a major
stress for most spouses though. My wife doesn't sit around the house
worrying about me while I work any more than I sit around the station
stressing that I could be "4 minutes away from Hell..."
As has been discussed in other threads, although there is always the
potential for serious injury or death, it doesn't happen nearly as often
as it seems from television shows or media reports. There are plenty of
jobs that are far more dangerous than firefighting that most people
would deem "safe." Certainly if a major event were to occur, like the
recent explosion in Texas, it would be very stressful waiting to hear
from a loved one who is on-duty. Otherwise, I think most wives get used
to the idea of us spending our days running alarm calls, medical calls,
the odd contents, and structure fire, and do not worry too much about
it.
What is hard on the spouse of a firefighter is the long absences. My
department doesn't work 24-hour shifts. We are on a 10-14 hour rotation.
I find that worse. My wife feels like a single mother for 2 weeks every
month. When I do my long stretch, I work the Friday and Saturday shift,
Sunday 24-hour and then Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday night. I am back
in on Monday for four days.
When I work days, I am not home in time for dinner, bath time and most
nights not for bedtime. I am gone in the morning before anyone else is
up. When I am on nights, it's worse because I am present during the day
but exhausted and needing to sleep. It takes a couple of days after
coming off shift to catch up on sleep.
The spouse of a firefighter has to step up and run the house almost
single-handedly most of the time. It is hard making plans with other
couples who have more conventional work hours, because I am unavailable
two weekends out of four, and they aren't around on Wednesday afternoon
when I have some free time.
Women love to date firefighters, and often love the idea of being
married to them, but there's a reason there are so many more ex-wives of
firefighters than there are current wives.
It's a long, tiring grind. Once the glamor wears off, and reality sets in, it's not for everyone.
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